While relationships are incredible to have, they can also be hard to sustain and it is truly difficult to recognize that your marriage is failing, but not know how to go about saving it. In this article, we will discuss the common causes of marital issues, how to fix a marriage, and ways to maintain a healthy marriage in the hopes of helping you save yours.
Key Takeaways
Common Causes of Marriage Problems
Every relationship has its ups and downs, but understanding the most common causes of marriage problems can help you identify issues early and begin working toward solutions. One of the biggest culprits is poor communication. When couples can’t express their feelings clearly or listen to each other effectively, small issues can escalate quickly into major conflicts.
Financial stress is another frequent source of tension. Whether it’s due to differences in spending habits, unequal income, or financial insecurity, money problems often spark resentment and recurring arguments. Similarly, household responsibilities can create frustration. When one partner feels like they’re taking on more than their fair share—or if cleanliness expectations don’t align—it can lead to daily tension and resentment.
Often, couples unintentionally let their relationship slip down the priority list as work, children, and other commitments take over. When time and energy are consistently diverted elsewhere, emotional distance grows. Trust issues can also erode the foundation of a marriage. Whether it stems from a past betrayal or unresolved trauma, a lack of trust makes it nearly impossible to build intimacy and connection.
Some Issues Aren’t As Obvious…
Another misconception is expecting your partner to make you happy. While your spouse should enhance your life, your overall happiness must come from within. Depending entirely on someone else to fulfill you emotionally sets unrealistic expectations. Along those lines, expecting your partner to change or magically become someone different is a common but harmful mindset. Real growth in a relationship comes from mutual understanding and acceptance, not from forcing change.
Some behaviors are even more subtle but just as damaging. Keeping score, for example—comparing who does more or sacrifices more—turns the relationship into a competition rather than a partnership. Likewise, making promises you can’t keep can lead to disappointment and a loss of credibility. While well-intentioned, these broken promises add up over time and create emotional wounds.
Lastly, don’t fall into the trap of expecting your partner to read your mind. Hints, passive comments, or silent treatment only lead to confusion. Clear, honest communication is key—your partner cannot meet your needs if they don’t know what they are.
How to Fix a Broken Marriage
Rebuilding a marriage takes effort, consistency, and genuine care. One of the most important things you can do is to be trustworthy—stay consistent in your actions, keep your promises, and always be honest. Trust forms the foundation of any strong relationship. Equally important is valuing the little moments that bring you closer together. A simple “I love you,” a thoughtful note, or a small act of kindness can go a long way in reconnecting with your partner.
It’s also crucial to take time for yourself. Personal space and growth help you return to the relationship with a refreshed mindset and renewed energy. When it comes to conflict, strive for balance. Aim to follow every negative interaction with five positive ones to help shift the emotional tone of your relationship. This 5:1 ratio, proven by relationship experts, helps maintain emotional safety and intimacy even during tough times.
Another valuable tool is creating a “love map”—a mental collection of everything that makes your partner who they are. Learning what matters to them, their stressors, passions, and dreams can significantly improve communication and deepen your connection.
When approaching tough conversations, use a soft startup. Begin with 30–60 seconds of appreciation to reduce defensiveness and help your partner feel safe. Allow yourself to be influenced by your partner—listen to their needs and respect their perspective. And when you’re upset, avoid attacking or criticizing. Instead, express your feelings calmly and clearly without holding them in contempt.
Keep in mind that conflict doesn’t mean failure. Learn how to repair disagreements rather than letting them linger. Watch out for the “Four Horsemen of Divorce”: criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt. Replace these behaviors with more constructive ones:
- Use gentle complaints instead of criticism
- Take responsibility rather than getting defensive
- Self-soothe to avoid stonewalling
- Show appreciation instead of contempt
Finally, make space for shared dreams and goals. Talk about your hopes, support one another’s visions for the future, and work together to establish common ground. These meaningful conversations help reignite emotional intimacy and create a sense of purpose in your partnership.
Tips to Maintain a Healthy Marriage
If you want marriage help, the following tips are great ways to maintain a healthy relationship and keep your marriage from failing:
My Marriage Is Falling Apart, What Should I Do?
If you are thinking to yourself, “My marriage is falling apart,” and you still don’t know what to do, read on.
Oftentimes, marriage problems will begin because one or both of you feel neglected. You may have been together for so long that you don’t think you need to make an effort anymore, but this could not be further from the truth. Never forget to express your love for your partner; give them compliments and thank them for the little things that you take for granted. Instead of focusing on what’s wrong in your relationship, focus on what’s right. Changing your perspective on the relationship itself can help you show your partner how much they mean to you, how much you appreciate them, and how much you want to make it work.
When it comes to communication, understand that it takes time. If you are discussing something important with your partner that requires serious thought, don’t expect an answer right away. Give them the time to properly consider what you are saying and what they want to say in return. In arguments, do not try to take the moral high ground. It is not about who’s right or wrong, it’s about solving problems together so that the two of you can be happy. One last note: stop shouting. Shouting is never helpful and instead escalates the situation to a place it should not be. Marriage problems and solutions are never easy, but when you stop shouting, you and your partner can start to communicate better and concentrate on the actual issues.
Consider Couples Counseling with a Professional
Throughout this article, we have discussed the common causes of marital issues, different ways you can fix a failing marriage, and tips to maintain a healthy relationship. It really boils down to communication and understanding. Once you and your partner can communicate properly and have an enhanced understanding of each other, things will hopefully start to get better.
Seeing a professional couples counselor can help you with those communication skills and begin to repair your marriage. At Positive Mind Wellness, we provide couples counselling services in Newmarket, Ottawa, and North York to assist couples in improving their relationship. Contact us today to book a complimentary discovery session.
